On the day of Spring Equinox, I experienced an 'incident' (I refuse to call it an accident) and broke both bones in my lower leg. Before I go any further, please know that I have been - and am being - nurtured and cared for on all possible levels, and I am healing well. Every day is a big leap forward (not literally!), and I am so proud of my body and her achievements.
This time-out has given - and continues to give me - so many learnings from my experience...and I don't want to run the risk forgetting them once I'm fully mobile again. Already I can feel them starting to slip away as I get stronger or they become integrated. So, before they disappear, here are some of my learnings:
Acceptance.... accepting that I can only do what I can do. Even the simplest tasks take much longer, and I have to think at least two moves ahead to go from the couch to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee (as for getting in and out of the shower...well!), that my energy levels are currently not what they were, to focus only on what's important and immediate.
Above all, accepting that I'd been carrying some deeply buried judgements about disability or bodies that are less than perfect; about silently ascribing fault and blame and, if I'm brutally honest, other emotions which are even more harsh and less kind. I was so shocked to have uncovered such a lack of compassion; after all, how does this fit into my work as a healing channel, and how does it fit with what I tell others: that it is so important for us to stay out of judgement when we don't even know all of our own choices, let alone those made by someone else for their learnings this lifetime...we can never know what life/soul choices another has made nor the reasons for those choices, so how can we judge them? I am humbled and so grateful to have found this mis-match within myself. It has been one of the true opportunities of this whole experience, and has allowed me to seek Forgiveness from all those I've ever mis-judged (including myself)...and for me to heal on this level as well.
One day at a time....each day is different, with returning energy levels and being able to do more - milestones (like the first time I drove the car - yeaaay!) are celebrated with Delight. Doing my best not to 'get ahead of myself'. Finding Joy in the small 'victories' reminds me to be more present.
Receiving....this has been another real biggie. I have been so skilled at being independent, and asking for help has never been easy, but nowhere near as challenging as learning to receive help and loving support when I haven't asked for it. I've been given SO much...by dear friends, family and total strangers, and by all my non-physical 'team'. I am in tears as I write this....to all of you, whether you know who you are or not - with my heart full of Love - THANK YOU.
Finally, if I may...the next time you see someone in a plaster cast or struggling physically as a result of some recent 'incident', please don't ask "What happened?". This question takes them back into the past, to the event which may have been traumatic and which they may not yet have cleared through their system. While it is very human to want to express sympathy, it is so much more empowering for the other person when you can keep them focussed in the present and encourage them on their healing journey by asking how well they're doing.
It's time I hopped off....in Gratitude, in Acceptance and in Joy at BE-ing in the here-and-now - which is such a magical place to BE.